Tuesday, December 28, 2010

father time

somedays i wonder what's going to happen to you when it's all said and done.
when that body of yours is all used up and you can no longer fend for yourself.
will you come to me?
will you show up on my doorstep and extend a withered olive branch.
and stare at me with empty glassy eyes and recite your plea bargain that you skillfully plotted and rehearsed a hundred times over.
"i have no one else to turn to."
"i thought about you everyday."
"i wanted to call but a day would pass into a week.
into a month.
into a year.
and i felt too guilty to contact you at all"
and of course the occasional
"i love you"
thrown in for effect and to weaken the knees.
past full grown, past your prime, withering away before me, still nothing but a child.
grasping out for a tit to suckle and restore your youth.
glossy eyed and at my front door.
and i wonder...
will i care?
and i think about your funeral.
sitting in cold stale air.
people scattered amongst pews, like flakes of dust glinting in the rays of sun.
watching family cry and mourn you lost mortal soul.
what's left of you crammed into a wooden box, on display for all to see.
and i wonder...
will i care?
will i shed a single tear for you?
or will it be a repeat of that day on my doorstep.
when i decided to step back and swing that huge wooden door shut.
blocking out those glossy eyes.
clasping that brass door knob in my trembling hand.
that was my final good bye.
now i stare down at your closed eyelids and paled skin.
my hand is not trembling.
my eyes are not glossy.
you are just a man crammed into a well crafted wooden box to me.
i don't know you.
and i said my last good-bye on a doorstep a long time ago.

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